The end of the line

Yesterday was a tough one for Damo, who really harmed himself on beer the night before. We had to stay in bed until 11am, at which time we ate breakfast and made it back to the hotel for a nap until 1pm.

At 1pm Luong the crazy drunk cyclo driver took us around Cho Lon in his cyclo. How fantastic it was! The day was intermittent rain and beating sunshine, and Damo didn't look so sick sitting like a little king in his cyclo. We'd been pretty apprehensive about the ride, because the traffic here is so crazy, but strangely it was probably one of the most relaxing things we've done on our holiday. Luong took us to three mad temples in the Cho Lon district of Saigon. All three were very different and really interesting. We took some great photos (which we will use to torture you all with in endless slide show nights).

Later we went to have a goodbye Bia Hoi with Luong at our local. It's a fucking tough life, that of a cyclo, so it was a particularly interesting mini-friendship to have. Luong just loved Damo and gave him the biggest emotional hug when we parted! We wish the mad Luong the best of luck with his family situation and his life on the streets of Saigon. It was interesting to have a tiny glimpse into the life of a Vietnamese native.

It's hard to believe that our holiday is over! We leave at 9pm tonight and we're sorry to say goodbye to Viet Nam.

Here's a list of our highlights (in no particular order):

• Bia Hoi (surprise!)
• Haiko and Silky in Ko Phangan
• Cyclo ride around Cho Lon, Saigon
  
• The GENUINELY nice Vietnamese, including Hoa, Nuong, Luong, Phat and Hee
• Pho Bo at all times of the day and night (clearly one of Beck's highlights)
• Pina Coladas in the lagoon pool at Thavorn with Dan
• Vietnamese coffee
• Green curry at Lee Garden, Ko Phangan
• Carpe Diem at Ko Phi Phi
• Everything at Siem Reap
• Culture shock in Phnom Phen
• Our fabulous hotel room in Phnom Phen
• Beach bar hopping in Ko Samui
  

Here's a list of terrifying things (that we'd do again):

• Taxi ride from Siem Reap to Phnom Phen
• Scooter riding in Ko Phangan
• Mango shakes in Saigon
• 15L of Bia Hoi in 2 hours
• Crossing the street in Saigon
• Lady Boy shows in Patong's gay district
  

And with that, we bid you adieu Thailand, Cambodia and Viet Nam. It's been real! xxxx

Bia! Bia! Bia! Hoi! Hoi! Hoi!

Allow me to walk you through the wonderful sights of Saigon.

Bia Hoi, seen above, is basically home brew on a grand national scale and served in 2L plastic bottles.

Here is Damo sampling one of the fine local brews about 500 metres later.

After extensive testing, Damo and I have concluded that Bia Hoi is mainly water, and so comes in at the banter-weight alcohol percentage of about 3%. That means that you don't need to have major fight fitness to kick some serious Vietnamese ass in the ring.

For example, above is a local cyclo, Luong, posing as Superman after a few quiet drinks with us this evening.

Here is a nice little brewski that I was particularly fond of. Note that Bier Hoi is the same at every Bier Hoi stall. It's like Macdonalds, but a more enterprising venture that I'm frankly surprised hasn't taken off internationally.

If Australians could vote in the world record holder for drinking a yard glass of beer as Prime Minister in 1983, surely their tenacity for drinking could bring such a miracle to our girt shores.

And so it would only be right to now introduce myself as Australia's new candidate for the highest office. My canditature speech will consist of a powerpoint of the above (delivered with a bloody good dose of the vietnamese dutch courage), and will feature the following press photo:

Note that as soon as I'm voted in I will sack Alexander Downer, Peter Costello, Amanda Vanstone and Wilson Tuckey, also pictured.

I leave you now to marvel at the wonderful spectacle that is Bia Hoi. It is 12:45am and that Luong guy is showing us around the city in the morning on his cyclo...

Tour of duty in Nam almost over...

Greetings from Saigon, or as it is officially known now, Ho Chi Minh City.

Tis I.. Damo writing to you this balmy evening as Beck has retired early after a hard day. Maybe it had more to do with the hard night before we had with the discovery of our new favourite thing, Bier Hoi.

Imagine a little street facing shop, little tiny kid sized plastic chairs and tables low to the ground where you buy 2 litre plastic bottles of home brew called Bier Hoi for 4 to 8000 dong a pop. We are worth around 1 AUD per 14000 dong. Do the simple math and revel in our newfound joy. Thanks for the tipoff El Nickoss. We loveses him the Bier Hoi! :)

We made some wonderful new Vietnamese friends last night at our local Bier Hoi which is just up the road from our hotel, which was also a fabulous find at only 20 USD per night and is clean and quiet but also smack bang in the middle of everything here in Ho Chi Minh.
Anyone travelling this way could do a hell of a lot worse than stay at the Viet Nghi hotel whilst here, and believe me, we checked out many places which ranged from disgusting to downright creepy.

We got ushered in to our Bier Hoi by a guy named Hoa who we suspected at first of trying to pull some sort of "get the foreigners extremely drunk and then stiff them with the bill" kind of scam. We only wanted to quietly drink our two litres of beer then leave but our table kept topping up our drinks and endlessly cheered everyone with a Vietnamese "Yo.." Which is Vietnamese for cheers.

We lost count of the endless litres of beer we consumed, we swapped cultural tales with Hoa and his friends. He insisted we speak with a young girl of 13, accompanied by her father and cousin as he had brought her there with the express purpose of practicing her english with us foreigners. Hoa explained that he had learned english in a similar fashion when he was younger and that it really helps people here get a leg up in the world job wise if they have good english.

I don't know if our drunken babble was much help but she insisted it was, and her father and Hoa were very grateful we took the time to have a conversation with her. Beck made a new best friend of a young Vietnamese lady who didn't speak much english, and she thought Beck was wonderful, so wonderful that we promised we would meet up with her and Hoa tomorrow night to celebrate her 26th birthday at the same Bier Hoi. I think Beck is wonderful too so I understand how she succumbed to her charms so quickly! :)

So many stories, so little time. Crossing the road could be a blog entry unto itself.. so dear friends and family, for now I bid you goodnight. Hope your all happy and well.

FYI, There was no scam pulled on us with the bill which I think we ended up paying 20000 dong for. An obscene amount of beer was drunk for what turned out to be about a buck fifty australian. Crazy! :)

Enjoy!

Damo. :)

Hello from HCMC and a quick back-track through Cambodia

We've made it to our final destination. Beer Hoi! 1L of beer for 4000VHD (about $0.30 - yeah!). I just had my first Pho Baw which was fan-bloody-tastic, and not just because I didn't eat since breakfast today.

We arrived today on the Mekong Express bus from Phnom Phen at around 7:30pm and we're staying in a room that would've been considered very tastefully decorated circa 1975 in Holland. My first impression of Saigon is that it's so very busy and full of happy, drinking Vietnamese [Drew Brock - this is your rice queen heaven]. What it made me realise is that I haven't seen any people laughing in the streets and cafes and pubs since Thailand... I guess Cambodians don't really have a whole lot to laugh about yet.

The trip in the bus over the border was a HELL of a lot less dramatic than our taxi trip from Siem Reap to Phnom Phen, and seeing as our last blog (which I just re-read) was pretty dark, I thought I would fill in the gaps with some of the more light-hearted things we enjoyed in Cambodia.

Firstly, let me say that Phnom Phen is not for the feint hearted. And also let me say that if you want a fantastic, fun and relaxing holiday looking at mind-blowing temples and testing local foods and beers, Siem Reap is the place for you - I would thoroughly recommend it for anyone who wanted to try out the more pre-westernised aspects of Asia without the heavy stuff.

While we were in Thailand we bought a few books on both the ancient and modern history of Cambodia. Just earlier while reflecting on Cambodia over Pho and many beers we talked about how Phnom Phen pre-1975 was considered the jewel of SE Asia, where many foreign correspondents and diplomats sought intermittent refuge from the Vietnam war. As I mentioned in my last blog the Khmer Rouge basically reduced it to a third world city.

The precariousness of the political situation in Cambodia, and especially while in Phnom Phen, meant that we both really enjoyed the city, but neither of us could really relax. The city is haunted by the ghosts of hundreds of thousands of Cambodians who died variously at the hands of Vietnam, the US and Pol Pot. I mean, a week after 17 April 1975 when the Khmer Rouge unexpectedly took Phnom Phen, they drove the entire population of Phnom Phen (about 2M people) out into the provinces. In one day. And given that there is still a strong Khmer Rouge following now, it's hard to relax completely.

But enough of that - the drive from Siem Reap to Phnom Phen is something we must share.

Picture a typical inter-city dual carriageway in Australia. Now halve its width... and halve it again. But don't halve the traffic, and add cows, water buffalo, motorcycles, cyclists, running children and dogs. Lanes? What lanes? If you drive into on-coming traffic it will stop for you. Or will it? Throw into the equation an agressive driver called Chin (who is most definitely a dodgy gambler, given the number of times he stopped to hand money to people and pick up parcels from people coming the opposite way) and you've got a 80MPH ride to potential death every 20 seconds. Damo couldn't watch, but I decided to enter the world of systematic de-sensitisation and watched the whole 4 hour drive. Fuck we were scared. A tip from us to you - DO NOT TRAVEL FROM SIEM REAP TO PHNOM PHEN VIA TAXI. Take the fucking bus.

While we were in Phnom Phen we did do a lot of reading modern history and checking out grim shit. But we also did some interesting stuff, like check out the Grand Palace (which has a floor made of silver tiles that weigh 1kg each) and drink lots of piss at the FCC (Foreign Correspondents Club) which was a hang-out for cool looking older expats and journos. There is also a lot of business that leverages the foreign apetite for ethically produced products (i.e. child-friendly), including restaurants, one of which we ate at. It was called Romdeng and it would rival any upper echelon restaurant in Sydney for style and well cooked food. If you go to Phnom Phen, go there.

To bore you a little further, I would also like to share with you a tale of the usefulness of Sydney tenacity. You are a Sydney-sider who lives in a first world country but has been exposed to enough shit over the past 7 years that you have become jaded with the world, and perhaps even built upon your natural narcisism until it has turned into a sense of entitlment. You enter a travel agent on a Friday and request a ticket from Phonm Phen to HCMC on the following day, a Saturday. You are told that a visa takes two days to obtain, and that the local Government will not process your visa over the weekend. Do you:

a). Thank the helpful attendant and arrange for your visa to be available whenever it is convenient for the Cambodian Government to arrange;
b). Burst into tears because you have to spend another two days in a city you desperately want to leave and so drink yourself into oblivion at the local pub; or
c). Ask if they can do it more quickly about 6 times until they cave and get a dodgy under-handed deal to sort it out for you in a matter of hours?

Well my friends, I just want you to know that we chose C. A corrupt government can do anything you want it to at a price (which was $75USD each - and worth every penny).

And so here we are in Saigon. I intend to go hard on the Beer Hoi. Damo says we need to find a more permanent crash pad before we get stuck in. I say BOOOOO!

p.s. Cats - I've uploaded photos into the older blogs so backtrack and have a gander. I think they fit better with the stories they tell. All the pics in this blog are from Phnom Phen, except this last one, which is from Siem Reap.

Phnom Phen and Genocide

We've been in Phnom Phen for 2 days now. It's basically a third world city with one tiny gentrified district (which we're staying in).

This is a pretty damn interesting place. The city sits on the Tonle Sap river (feeding into the Mekong) and is mainly characterised by dust, street urchins, beggars and the ever oppresive tuk-tuk drivers.

Today we went to S-21 and the Cheung Ek (the Killing Fields).

For the uninitiated, S-21 was a school in a central district of Phnom Phen that Pol Pot turned into a prison camp. His party sent "insurgents" (basically those who fit the profile of the Communist Party's paranoid delusions) there to be tortured before they were sent to the Cheung Ek for extermination.

There are no words to describe S-21, but I think Damo summed it up best when he said he felt like a blanket was covering him while he was in the grounds. It was grim. There are explicit photographs of the victims, both before and after torture. What surprised me most was their expresssions - the prisoners were made to keep silent because S-21 is in the centre of a residential suburb, and Pol Pot didn't want anyone to know what was going on there. I think some people looked like they didn't know what was going to happen to them, some looked terrified, some looked sadly resigned to their fate. People who visited were very respectful. Everyone looked terribly sad - I cried for a while and I think a lot of other people found it very distressing.

Cheong Ek was equally depressing. It is very hard to describe - walking through the grounds you are walking on mounds of clothes of the dead which are slowly reappearing through the mud because it is the rainy season. This was a very sad place.

We wanted to see these places so that we could understand the Cambodians better, to appreciate Cambodia and in particular Phnom Phen for how well it has rebuilt itself, and to pay our respects I guess. It's not something I'll ever forget.

With this filter I feel that I appreciate Phnom Phen more that on face value. It was nearly entirely destroyed by the Khmer Rouge and it's pretty amazing how its bounced back.

We're going to make tracks to Ho Chi Min City in Vietnam tomorrow. I'd like to stay but Vietnam calls and our fly-out date draws near. Our next post from there, and until then Ciao!

Holiday in Cambodia

It's an obvious title. But where once Dead Kennedys were probably correct, now they are very very wrong.

Oh Cambodia - for all who have not visited, you simply must come. It is a truly powerful and fascinating place.

We flew in yesterday from Bangkok (an uneventful 25 minute flight on an A319) and loved it from the moment we clapped eyes on its green rice pastures. Forgive me Thailand, but Cambodia is your more civilised, beautiful cousin.

Siem Reap is a really laid back town, with everything cultural and historical you could want at its doorstep. There are few foreigners here. The food is REALLY GOOD - it leaves Thai for dead. We are staying in Rosy Guesthouse which is $17US per night. Very clean, very homely. The town is full of French colonial architecture, which I understand is a far cry from the basic thatched hut guesthouses of yester-decade.

Yesterday we went to Angkor Wat, and I am afraid it leaves me a touch speechless. Lee - you were there with me at the Acropolis. Angkor is so, so much more. Like all temples of its period it is surrounded by a huge moat filled with lotus, which is what you drive along to reach its bridge. We arrived by moto (like a tuk-tuk) at about 5pm hoping to see a fabulous sunset. Alas no sun, but instead an impressive storm. Monks were chanting as it got dark and I just didn't really want to leave.

Angkor is chock-filled to the hilt with incredible carvings. You just don't get bored because even along the hundreds of metres of relief carved war scenes there are sweet little intermissions of deer, elephants, loving embraces, bowing trees and love hearts. I know it's a little un-PC, but I am very pleased that we came at a time that tourists can still enter Angkor. It needs a lot of restoration and I truly feel it needs to be periodically shut off from tourists (or at least tourism restricted) so that its incredible beauty can be preserved.

To bring us down from our hyberbolic euphoria we went to the aptly named "Pub Street" for dinner last night and had Indian food that rivals Maya Da Dhaba on Cleveland Street Sydney. We met up with a Cambodian man who works in one of the many orphanages and spent some talking about his story. He was a monk from 14 to 21, lost his parents to war when he was very young (like most young Cambodians) and had had a very nasty run-in with a land mine (also like most young Cambodians). He was the sweetest man, but eventually drinks dissolved our conversational skills and he left us with his contact details.

That would be about the time we met up with Lisa and Steve from Canberra who just didn't understand the meaning of moderation and really know what a sensible time to go home was. I don't remember much about last night but I know I had a really good time hugging and playing with the little orphans out in the street selling things for unscrupulous and perhaps morally corrupt adults.

The children are tragic. They're beautiful and very sweet orphans, and some of them are so very tiny. That is a tragedy in itself, to be so young and not have a childhood, but its the teenagers that really get you - this is a world of savvy street kids with perfect english who have far to much intelligence to be wasted scalping cheap postcards on the street. They are hustlers, all of them, but there's a part of you that's willing to be hustled just so you can offer them a meal.

I would really like to stay another day so we can spend a day at an orphanage, but our time to reach Vietnam draws near so we have to move on. We'll leave a sizable donation with Rosy Guesthouse who will ensure the money gets spent where its needed.

We went to the Land Mine Museum today. The trip out there was incredible - a full hour's journey into rural Cambodia, which was fantastic. The Land Mine Museum was very dark, as you'd expect. It made both of us angry, even angrier when we read which countries still manufacture land mines, which includes the US. When you see how land mines have affected the people here there is really no way you can condone or support their continued use. Indeed war, on a larger scale, is something that Cambodia still wears as a healing wound, and I hope that peace continues here because the people here really deserve a break - they're very community minded and loving - very different to their neighbours in Thailand.

We're off to Pnohm Phen tomorrow morning at the very civil time of 11am via a very civilised taxi ride for $50US. Consider Cambodia seriously as your next holiday destination - it is fun, beautiful and strikes to the very heart of humanity.

Bye Bye Thailand, Bye Bye

Top 5 Things about Thailand:

• Friendly people
• Cheap beer
• Cheap, tasty food
• Beautiful beaches
• Tailor-made clothes

Shittest 5 Things about Thailand:

• No toilet paper
• Scam artists... everywhere
• Tuk-tuks
• Snorting taxi drivers
• 90% humidity

Top 5 Best Memories:

• Thavorn Beach pool with Dan, fireflies and pina coladas in coconuts
• Roni our tailor in Patong
• Our first pad thai in Phuket Town
• Carpe Diem in Ko Phi Phi
• Scooters in Ko Phangan and jetskis in Ko Samui

Top 5 Things we wont miss:

• Being set upon by spruikers
• Thai food for three meals per day
• Buffet breakfasts
• Cold showers
• Durian

Goodbye Land of Smiles!!! :)

We're ok :)

Hello, we're safe in Bangkok. We assume that the news of the plane crash would've reached Australia given that Australians were amongst those killed. It's very sad... but the good news is that we're simply hung over (surprise!) in Bangkok.

Bangkok. What can I say? It's big and dirty, with seemingly as many ferang (foreigners) as Thais.

Yesterday we went to Grand Palace and Wat Pad Krapow (hehe - I can't remember what it was really called through the post-alcohol fuzz) which a pretty intesive introduction to Thai baroque in all its golden glory, but unfortunately (like all tourist areas) full of tuk-tuk scammers and ferang. Really you'd think that the con-artists would get a new gig because they pulled the textbook gem scam:

Con artist 1 at main entrance: "You cannot enter palace without skirt - go to gate 2"

Con artist 2 at gate 2: "Hello my friend! Where you from? Ah Australia - Melbourne or Sydney? Where you go next? I no thief I do not steal from you. I write local TAT (tourist agency) which give you Thai prices to Cambodia. You cannot enter the palace because it is closed for prayer until 1 o'clock. If you get tuk-tuk you go to golden buddah, other wat and to TAT for 20THB. No 20THB is what Thais pay - watch - I ask this driver to take you for 20 THB. See you go with him."

... which is pretty much where our conversation ended.

Other scams pulled in the next few minutes were official looking cards displaying what can and can't be worn conveniently held by tuk-tuk drivers ready to whisk you away to "golden buddah". Inside the gate we were asked if we wanted an English guide for 200THB (there are free tours in English running every couple of hours). Another touts headset tours (which noone is wearing) which you can hire by leaving either your passport or credit card. Sheesh - who falls for that??!

I thought the wat was pretty fantastic but Damo thought it very touristy and lacking spiritual presence. Could it have been the Pepsi umbrellas at the offering platform? There was a HUGE thunderstorm while we were there out in the open which was pretty exciting.

Last night we checked out the Suam Lum Night Bazaar which was pretty cool - I bought some really nice silks which I've been keeping an eye out for and which are suprisingly not very easy to find outside of Jim Thompsons House.

We have officially chickened out of the Pat Pong specialties. After being "minded" at a weird lady boy show in Patong we've decided that it's just a bit too dodgy - neither of us are that interested in being beaten up in a nightclub.

We're looking to fly out to Siem Reap today. On Bangkok Airlines, not the dodgy cheapo airlines, not that we have much choice seeing as Bangkok Airlines hold a monopoly on the route. After much reading of how much work it is to get to Siem Reap by land without getting scammed or killed on the shite roads we've decided that flying is worth the extra $400.

Hopefully our next blog will be from Siem Reap - both of us are very excited by the prospect of sunset at Angkor Wat.

p.s. We're sorry about the lack of photos. Internet access is expensive and it's bloody time consuming to get them up onto the site... we promise that more photos will come in the next blog.

The Big Smoke

Howdy folks,

Damo here, first time posting. Beck has done a fabulous job so far with her wonderful entries. Mine will probably not be so nice and well written.

We did chinatown yesterday, and all I can say is it is a crazy town with more traffic and people than I have ever seen in one place.

Beck loved the many colours and chaotic happenings. It was a real experience, but one I am not keen to do again. Many rows of small shops selling the same dead animals and cheap rubbish whilst constantly being in danger of being run down by homicidal scooter and car drivers.

Much more to tell later but my time is running short. We are just making plans for how to get into Cambodia and sorting through all the possible ways of getting there without being ripped off. We have been warned by many other travellers about the huge range of scams so we may end up flying.

Love you all,

Enjoy!

Damo. :)

Bangkok

After a 13 hour trip by road yesterday we've made it to the big smoke. And what a big smoke! We arrived at about 8:30pm last night and we're staying near Th Khao San.

Khao San is a freak-fest. We drank at a street bar, ate street food, saw an elephant, watched a million smashed teenagers get themselves into trouble. Just as we were warming up though, the party ended - 1am curfew. The place we've shacked up in is pretty basic and has drunk people yelling in the garden below 24/7. We've booked a resort style hotel that we'll be moving to after breakfast this morning - one final indulgence before trekking into Cambodia, which everyone assures me is not filled with a plethora of 5 star spa resorts.

Ko Phangan broke me - I don't know if I'm keen to go again. It really is a place that caters only for the party crowd, so all accomodation is basic, smelly, un-air-conditioned and on the most fucking annoying version of thai time you can imagine - getting something to eat requires the host of the place you're staying in to finish his camberwell sized carrot and sober up enough to cook something you didn't ask for. Blah...

Gotta run - will tap out something more comprehensive with photos sometime tomorrow. Ciao from Bangkok!

Ko Phangan is Happengan

['a' short note on the keyboard that I'm using - I can do any capital letter I like except capital 'a'. Please don't write me off as an illiterate fool.]

ah glorius sunny party town! Soul home of the 80s raver, we are in a really quiet part west of Hat Rin (where it's at) called Ban Khai. Last night we stayed in a place called Lee Gardens in a really basic open air hut that only has electricity at night. It was fun, but the bed was too hard so we've moved next door into an enormous thatched hut with air-conditioning run by some mad Dutch folk who left Holland after the introduction of the euro ruined their lives. Hans is a drummer from some band that was huge in Holland in the 80s, and his son Martin who is 35 years old looks older than Hans. I guess that's what you get when you have children who never grew up for parents.

The trip from Samui to Phangan was completely uneventful. The prices where we're staying are dead cheap - 400THB for our accomodation last night and 600THB for tonight.

We've met some nutty Germans whose names are Heinkel and Silka who we've dubbed Hiko and Silky. They're really sweet and love to drink - perfect. In fact we're waiting to catch up with them now down at the ugly pier in Hat Rin. We drove down on our motorbikes (yes, my motorbike cherry is busted thanks to some concerted and very patient training from Damo) into town from Ban Khai which I think might have been singularly the most hair-raising driving event of my life. The hills here are STEEP - up and down. But I think I've got the hang of it enough to get home safely today. I wont be buying one in australia.

Damo and Hiko got fecking smashed last night while Silky and I fumbled through the language barrier, so we have to stay another day in Phangan. What a shame... not! Until next time, ciao me dears!

What stuff costs in 20 items or less

Singha Beer (Large): THB55 / AUD1.99

Singha Beer (Small): THB35 / AUD1.26

Singha Tshirt: THB150 / AUD5.41

Pad Thai: THB50 / AUD1.80

Jetski (20 mins): THB700 / AUD25.27

Cheesy Sarong: THB100 / AUD3.61

2 Buckets of Sangsom: THB350 / AUD12.63

Cocktail in a coconut: THB120 / AUD4.33

10km Tuk-tuk ride: THB200 / AUD7.20

Ride on the bus: THB30 / AUD1.08

Flight from Phuket to Samui: THB2158 / AUD77.90

Boat ride from Samui to Ko Phang-nan: THB300 / AUD10.83

** Air-con beach hut (p/n): THB800 / AUD32.49

Bottle of water (1.5L): THB15 / AUD0.54

Motorbike hire (p/d): THB200 / AUD7.20

Birkenstock rip-off: THB200 / AUD7.20 (exc post-wear corrective podiatry)

Billabong rip-off boardies: THB600 / AUD21.66

Colonic treatment: THB1500 / AUD54.15

Packet of chocolate Colon: THB45 / AUD1.62

We're off to Ko Phang-nan today. No full moon until 26 Sept but perhaps this is a good thing... We've also accepted that we're not going to manage a full ciruit of Indochina and so have decided to bite the bullet and try to get to Angkor Wat (northern Cambodia) by this weekend. A lot of travelling over the next few days!

Clever websites in Thai

Hi! Sorry we haven't blogged for a week. We have actually been trying to, but the Blogspot website is very clever and translates everything into Thai... but not back into English. I have posted two blogs in the past 5 days but have clearly been pressing "delete" instead of "post".

We're currently in Ko Samui at a cool place on the beach called Suritpalms. It's super hot here because we're just off the mainland of Thailand, but more on that later - allow me to backtrack a bit.

The last time we spoke we were on Ko Phi Phi (for those who are untrained in the DEAD SIMPLE (not) language of Thai, ko means island). I am pleased to announce that we have avoided hangovers of that magnitude since - and wisely too because a bitching hangover in 40C heat when checking out of your hotel at 11am to cruise on a poorly air-conditioned boat back to Phuket is a really stupid idea. Did I mention that this was also the day I received the worst sunburn I've ever had?

Ko Phi Phi was very beautiful, and we lament not being able to spend a little more time there. But seeing as we have decided that the Thai islands really are paradise on earth, I'm sure we'll be coming back again soon. Ko Phi Phi was devastated by the Tsunami three years ago but has been rebuilt into a groovy island town with markets and shops and plenty of bars on the beach. The waters are shallow and azure, free of dangers like sharks and jellyfish and envelope hundreds of tall thin karst formations that rise steeply out of sand.

At night Ko Phi Phi has quiet spots and pumping spots. We chose pumping obviously and perhaps we should've known that the bar we were at, Carpe Diem, would lead to trouble. As my wise cousin commented in one of our first blogs, the devil is a drink called Sangsom. So of course we needed to buy two buckets to test it out. I think that's where things got a little hazy. But Carpe Diem was a fun place and we got to sit under the stars in a little thatched cushion room and drink a metric shitload of beverages.

We are learning slowly when we're being ripped off. On our way over to Phi Phi from Phuket town, it cost us 1200THB to get a cab from the hotel to the pier (about 5km) and a boat ride to Phi Phi (2.5 hours). On the way way back we got from Phi Phi to the pier on the fast boat (1 hr 20 mins) and a cab from the pier to Nahkalay Beach (about 50km) for about the same amount of money. That didn't stop us from getting scammed on the way to Samui though... we paid for a taxi before we arrived that turned out to be yet another minibars (Thai pronounciation of minibus) so we flagged it like bourgeois pigs and got a taxi.

Nahkaley Beach is about 10km north of Patong Beach. Dan joined us there on a 5 day relaxation extravaganza and immediately endeared himself to the lady boy staff by singing "Islands in the Stream" in the acreage sized pool with a pink frangipani in his ear.

We stayed in an incredible 5 star spa resort complex in a beach hut right on the sand called Thavorn Village. It has the biggest pool ever... and I do not exaggerate. I estimate that there really was close to an acre of it. It had heaps of little islands containing beautifully manicured gardens and statues, and of course the ubiquitous pool bar selling cocktails from hollowed out coconuts (feel my coco beats). On the first night we were standing under a huge banyan tree covered in vines and staghorns and there were little fireflies signalling in its branches. On the sand underneath it there were hundreds of hermit crabs crawling and we saw one massive toad. No we had not been sampling the local mushrooms.

Sezzle: Thavorn Village is your paradise in waiting. Warm sand, hot humid weather, a pool with a bar, the beach, quiet... and that wonderful day spa. To stop my whole dermis peeling off in one piece like a lizard I had one of the ladies give me a cold lavendar compress and an aloe massage. Sound terrible?

In stark contrast to the serene beauty of Nahkaley, Patong is a loud and bustling girlie bar zone. I swear, we left just in time so that I wasn't forced to punch some spruikers in the mouth. None-the-less Dan and Damo and I found some great places to eat and we had some clothes tailored to our sweating, sunburnt bodies. Dan and Damo bought a wheelbarrow full of suits and shirts and I had a cheongsam-like dress made. I was pretty surpised that the clothes all looked fantastic - I hope that it's not because I have become jaded by the 150THB Singha Beer t-shirt that I have been wearing for 5 days in a row.

Yesterday we said sad goodbyes to Dan (we hope Jetstar was better this time!) and made the big trek to Ko Samui. 800THB for a 3.5 hour minibars trip, 1 hour wait in Surit Thani (the shittest place in Thailand) and 1.5 hour boat ride. Pretty uneventful in all - didn't get gassed or robbed like Lonely Planet suggested we might.

Samui has a totally different vibe to Phuket. It's much more chilled out, a bit hotter and the people are nicer. You don't need shoes because you just walk along the beach in the water between bars (Ella and Joel: we're staying a few "doors" down from Spa Resort on Lamai beach.) We were going to hire a motorbike to cruise around today but we've both chickened out (it's ok Mums and Dads!). So it's the 30THB bus for us.

We've been trying to sum up Thailand in a single tag-line (as you do). So far my favouite is "If you'll pay for it, the Thais will provide". And there is no limit to that my friends... none that we can find.

Phi Phi: Too stupid for paradise

Spending 3000THB on alcohol is just plain stupid. Beers are about 55THB each. May I echo the sentiments of my dear cousin when he mentioned that the devil is a drink called Sangsom. And two buckets (yes mums and dads - BUCKETS) for the price of one is a trap for young players such as ourselves. We are in heaven on earth with the most bitching of hangovers ever.

Phi Phi, despite all the tourists, is amazing. Every vista is impressive sandstone walls, banyan trees and turquoise water. It's a bit more expensive than Phuket but given everything is shipped onto the island and waste shipped off, fair enough I say.

Phi Phi was devastated by the Tsunami and has been rebuilt into an island paradise. A little bit earlier today Beck laid in the cool knee deep waters to rebuild a semblence of wellness. It was everything you imagine laying in the cool waters of a beautiful island to be.

We can't type anymore because the tapping of the keys hurts. We truly are too stupid for paradise.

Phuket Town - Crazy Town

Ok. If the question is "how long will it be until you are sick", then let it be known that the short answer is "after eating the first meal you may shit through the eye of a needle". But hey, our meal cost 400THB which is the equivalent of $12. And that included four 650ml Singha beers. Actually perhaps that's why we don't feel so hot.

Phuket. Think motorbikes, 50cm high curbs and strip flouro lighting (it's the new cool thing). This place is surprisingly run down but this only adds to its charm. For those who have not yet frequented Thailand, we are embarrased to admit that chin-lish seems to work better than english or piss poor attempts at thai.

We're off to Ko Phi Phi today. It's cloudy (what a surprise!) but I look forward to the boat ride and secluded hotel action.